I'll Be Waiting Here, I Promise...

POP corn...

2009-01-03T18:47:00.000-08:00

My Mouth Speaks, Ship's Ahoy~

2008's over in an instant... ^^

Its been a great deal of lessons I've learnt...

The dreams...

The goals...

The people...

and...

The changes...

Well... Theres definitely no need to linger in the year 2008 eh?

Everyone... Lets move on ^^

It's a different path everyone of us have to take...

So release the grudges, learn to accept, forgive and forget...

It's the start of a new year =)

New year... means new songs/bands =)

Been listening to quite a few and some caught my ear~

Dio ~Distraught Overlord~ (8/10)
Versailles Philharmonic Quintet (9/10)
Chariots (7/10)
Sug (Die Die muz hear) ( 8/10)
The Kiddie (wierd band name) (7/10)

Damned... I've been too influenced by the singlish society that now
I've gotten my broken english and powderful singlish ~Rock On~

Hahaha... =)

Well g2 run ^^

Jaa ne~ <(^^<)

Samtaro V2

2008-11-16T02:50:00.000-08:00

My Mouth Speaks, Changing Everyday

I just got my new baby~

Introducing the new Fender Stratocaster~

I'll be learning to play the electric guitar as soon as I have time thou T.T

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Everyday I'm moving one step closer and closer towards my goal...

SamtaroV2 in the making ^^

Well I have to run now~

Ciaossu~ =)

Hi Miss Alice
With your glass eyes
What kind of dream
Can you see?
Are you fascinated with?

Life's been good...

2008-11-02T01:58:00.000-07:00

My Mouth Speaks, Hi Miss Alice...

its been a very very very long time since I've updated... =(

4 weeks down... 9 weeks to go...

Been thinking alot every night b4 i hit bed...
Not emo thinking or such yea!! ^^

Life is good^^, kept a promise to myself way back...

To be happy and to lead a fruitful life I won't regret!!

So far so good... ^^

Won't be negative, and never will be (^^,)V

What's in mind.. are things I would love to do... Hahaha ^^

Hairstyles...

Clothings...

Fashion...

Cosplay...

Keep Planning... Hahaha ^^

Well I've been listening to the old an cafe songs, the standard's been down ever since Bou left...

An cafe now is not so 'an cafe' becos Bou's not there... Hahaha ^^

He's the greatest!! Just by seeing his fashion style gives me tons of ideas =)

But 1st I would need to achieve that ideal figure... losing 7kg in 4 weeks is not much, I would need to work harder, Gambatte~!! =)

Wif that... I give you... Bou!!!! <(^.^<)

...

...

...

...

Til then fellow hamhams~~

Samtaro Power!!~ Enter~~!!!

2008-09-03T07:37:00.000-07:00

My Mouth Speaks, YADA YADA~

Celine's going for the op

Well hope that everything will fall in place nicely =)

Waiting for your good news, DA JIE DA!! (^^,)V

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case i ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

Once upon a time..

2008-08-28T09:36:00.000-07:00

My Mouth Speaks, Aunties...

I feel sooo lazy...

Hurhur..

Few days back, went out to play MH wif Zero again...

At JE, KFC..

Dam... It's addictive...

Hahaha ^^ while in the midst of killing the ceanataurs, someone popped by =x

Looking up, I saw a figure, clothed in white, so bright!

Wif that familiar looking scarf and hair...

An angel perhaps... =X Ya rite...

It was Eva, hahaha ^^

Since he was there, we decided to go Lan-ing, and yea, had so much fun, and damned... Time flew past, real quick...

So wif no transport back home, we decided to head to Eva's house to spend the nite...

*Arghhh* It seems that i need to catch up on the Gundam series, i seriously have not much of a clue on what they were discussing the entire nite... Hahaha...

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Anyway, went to catch a movie by myself juz now...

It's good to be alone sometimes every now and then.. xD

Movie: Death Race
Genre: Action/Racing

Review: The movie was quite ok, some gore here and there, not til the extent like Saw.. =D It's quite a simple movie wif not much of a plot, it was like this, *you got fired, you got framed, race to win ur freedom, lied, teamup to beat the system*, that kinda story.. Hahaha =) And the girl.. She's incredibly hot I tell u, althou undoubtly it was CG that made her look like that =X Damned... It pays to look good.. Hahaha...

So I've been excercising quite frequently since NS is coming up soon, basically jogging..

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Anyway back to what I was intending to blog about...

Aunties...

Mrt, your alighting station, Aunties, packed crowd..

What could the possible scenario be?

The train was reaching Cityhall, Being packed in the train by the peak period's crowd, I tried to squeeze and navigate my way to the door *as i was standing in the middle of the cabin*

Finally I reached my stop, the doors started to slide open, wif that ray of hope shining thru the gaps of the door, it was o-so-bright~!!

As I head towards the exit, oh yes, you've guessed it right...~

The horror!!!

Stood 2 aunties, not tiny, not short, not standing at the sides, yes 2 aunties, big, tall and standing in the middle of the passageway like the bouncers you oftenly see @ Zouk...

As ppl were rushing out of the sardine can, they stil refused to budge, still advancing towards the train cabin.. let alone letting the poor ppl out of that congested transport...

Wif a great step, filled wif the sudden courage and bravery, pumped up by my adrenaline rush, I moved forward, banging into the 2 pillars...

The one that fell wasn't me... but one of the giants... letting out a slow-motioned and deep, coarse moan as she fell...

*THUMP*

Staring at her disgrunted face, her mouth started to expand, the black hole has opened, attempting to suck in everything, destroying everything, leaving not a trace of any existence...

the 1st 3 words, the words that determined that she was the regular, foul mouthed species of aunties... *YAO SIU KIA, *#&*$^&#*$^*#&$*$#^$*#&*

As she climbed to her feet, wif the train doors closing behind her, I gave her a big, wide grin, the same expression as (^^,)V

Victory was mine~

Alrite, enuff wif the aunties...

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Some random pictures, I refused to let out in the past~
Don't spoil your eyes ^^

there are moments when i don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way i feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

Busy...

2008-07-29T12:20:00.000-07:00

My Mouth Speaks, Project Decora

Its been awhile since i updated =)

I've embarked on 3 projects... Its been keeping me quite busy xD

1) Project Name: Decora
Date: Sept 14/15
Participants: Dunghead, Samtaro, Zero

Note: Die Die oso muz hong hong lie lie once lol, gheyness to the extreme!!!
Boku wa Fruit Caki desu~

2) Project Name: Slim Hamster
Date: Now til SOY
Participants: Samtaro

Note: Die Die oso muz slim down more!! Bamboo Stick!!~ FOOOO~

3) Project Name: Final Fantasy XIII Agito Versus Cosplay Team
Date: SOY/SF 09
Participants: golden-feline, lolipeg, Stjh, jinsoku, Kage, kiwiwi chan, Jesuke, reize, zander, kirisaki, Samtaro

Note: My 1st cosplay team, oso an elite team, needa work hard to meet the standards! (^^,)V

Random Zhi Lian Pictures =X

1) Why... So... Serious???

I never knew my hair was this long, well its longer now ^^

2) Ghostly images~

Camera's faulty I guess

3) Flashbang!!

My pupils look like that of a Dollfie's xD

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find You and I collide.

Aww

2008-07-08T07:20:00.000-07:00

My Mouth Speaks, Patience...
...
...

I'll pray for you =)

2008-06-24T12:00:00.000-07:00

My Mouth Speaks, Lets hope...

Recently... Many sad events have happened to my dear friends...

I'll keep them in prayers everyday...

I really do hope twin's grandpa is ok =/

Let Go and Let God =)

1 Corinthians 13:2
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

1 Corinthians 13:13
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Father's Day

2008-06-15T01:35:00.000-07:00

My Mouth Speaks, Dad...

It's Father's day once again...

Went to attend mass =)

Lighted up some candles for my him...

Wiped the dirt of his picture

Spent the next half an hour chatting wif him =)

I've made a vow... I've sweared I'll cherish those close to me...

I've sweared I'll be a better husband and Dad then he ever was...

He didnt want me to follow his footsteps, nor be in his shadow...

Dad... I regret not cherishing u... Now you're gone... Its a painful lesson I've learnt...

As I have said... I'm a person bad wif words and speech...

I'll prove with actions and have faith in my heart in the things I do...

Loyalty, Faith, Hope prevails...

Out of them all, Love...

Happy Father's Day dearest Daddy =)

2008-06-12T12:54:00.000-07:00

My Mouth Speaks, A New Chapter...

Went out with Danson just now, had a man-man, heart-heart talk

Very very interesting... ^^

Well, since I've decided and I'm bend on starting over =)

I shall start 1st by revamping my friendster and blog ^^

Hey guys! Its time to pimp my friendster + blog =)

Shanty had them apple bottom jeans
Boots with the fur
The whole club was looking at her
She hit the floor
Thats when you know
Shanty got low low low low low low low low

Finally...

2008-06-11T03:57:00.001-07:00

My Mouth Speaks, It's finally over...

Well, I've had enuff of thinking of SY, ever since this new one... I've been wasting too much of my time thinking abt it, 8 months, I shall finally lay my heart down to finish this...

SY, if you're reading this, im sry but you've not changed a bit... I hope you will mature someday =) and of cos, you have my blessings ^^ Stay happy dear girl, I'll always remember u =)

8 months

240 days

5760 hours

345600 mins

20736000 seconds...

Notes to myself: I've deleted SY from MSN, blocked her phone number from my phone, deleted all pictures of her, don't know how to delete and block from friendster...

What have I missed out? =)

This are the times, where we're

Only Human =)

From me to you~
Your everloving hamster~
Samtaro~ (^^,)V

2008-06-09T10:42:00.000-07:00

My Mouth Speaks, Moonlight Priestess Rika

2008-06-08T09:59:00.000-07:00

My Mouth Speaks, Introduction

Hello everyone, My name's Samuel, a.k.a. Samtaro, I'm 19 this year and currently is 1.8m, my bday falls on 20th June... I love Visual Kei and im working hard on my way there by not claiming I look VK when I don't have my hair styled, wearing a business wear + gothic punk vest, or wearing sports shoes + sports jersey... I'm not so thick skinned... I would definitely love to be in a band, and of cos not take them to Japan, cos I know we're unable to have dreams so impossible... Partly its expensive too, if money were'nt a problem, I would definitely take them to the moon and make them famous =) I feel that playing the guitar would be most awesome, but not brag and strum a note by note, "Jrock" style, if I am not well versed in it^^

When i'm doing Vocals..My name is Samtaro..I do Vocals for Fei Yu Qing from himself mainly all his songs.. Just kidding. No, I dont sound like Ruki from the GazettE or Yomi.. Theirs is awesome.. Actually my formation of a band is not that reponsive I lack nothing except everything.. I play my guitar wif pride, learning still, and I don't hit drumsticks anywhere except on the drum set.. I hope not to meet Socks kei ppl (With PHD, Paedophile. Hunger. Desire. Setting up a paedophile community..the hunger to work towards it with the desire to do so..) and hopefully and eventually not meet any form of hideous ~fill in the blanks~ kei ppl except true blue Visual Kei peeps.. My main plan is to elimintate the world of dirt like them..yar so..hmm..that's the reason why i'm doing so..

No I don't stalk girls and call them after midnight(e.g. You're the last voice I want to hear before I sleep), or even ask the color of their undergarments.

No I don't walk around in business clothing + gothic punk vest, and try to promote Visual Kei, in fact I don't even promote, I'm still learning the ropes ^^

No I don't pose like a bodybuilder or William Shakespears(When he is deep in thoughts) when im taking photos..

Lastly, my hair pwns the 1mm haired monster...

*ahhh choo* sry, im allergic to bullshit, perhaps its that 16 year old monster and his crap again...

jaa~

A gentle kiss wakens me each day
A soft touch in warm wet places
Lips melting together in soft kisses
Chasing the night's darkness away

2008-06-07T09:42:00.000-07:00

My Mouth Speaks, Rika, I love you

Name: Reinge Cho Rikano (Rika)

Age: 18

Gender: Female

Sculpt: Af Xun 1/3

Faceup: AF default

Race: Moonlight Priestess of Midlight's Deep

Rika safesguard the town of Midlight's Deep, from the Dark Lord's evil minions, her powers lies within the use of wisdom and magic, coming from the moon, she's able to manipulate anything as long as its under the moonlight, thus being capable of being to singlehandedly protect the people of Midlight's Deep, throughout the eternal nights. Rika is very silent, but she expresses her emotions and thoughts through her eyes.

2008-05-31T20:12:00.000-07:00

My Mouth Speaks, Yoshi's Photoshoot

Street Fest

2008-05-26T21:56:00.000-07:00

My Mouth Speaks, StreetFest...

2008-05-24T06:31:00.000-07:00

My Mouth Speak, THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

It's almost 25th May!!!

hahaha I shall countdown soon ^^

Surprise!! This is my 1st try at this hairstyle... ^^ I feel it looks great

Getting my darling girl tmr!!! Cnt wait!!!! Thx nat ^^

Everytime I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
Waiting for the final moment
You say the words that I can't say

PIctures

2008-05-22T04:35:00.000-07:00

My Mouth Speaks, A picture speaks a thousand words...

With this, I leave u with Millions of words (many pictures)

I'll sort out the pictures when im free, going off to Ang Mo Kio to find Sam to help her take the tent for Sentosa tmr ^^

If my ship leaves

This lonely world behind

Your voice will still remember

Our melody...

Hair care!!!!

2008-04-14T09:17:00.000-07:00

My Mouth Speaks, It's better to forgive than to waste strength, time and space to hate ^^

As stated in my title ^^, I shall not rant =)

hmm... I've decided on an AngelFantasy Doll, Xun to be my 1st kid ^^, She's soo innocent-looking and cute 8D

Batch order ends on 30th april, so i suppose she will be here anywhere near june... I hope ^^

In 2 more days time, I'm gonna go dye my hair, will be having a brainstorming session wif Ken... He's gonna design the angle of the colors and I will decide on the colors, which will be bleached-yellowish white + black

Sianz he told me to prepare to spend like 6 hours there =.= I'm gonna sit there til my butt rots I guess xD

Enjoy, the pics of my still tamed hair T.T

T.T I'll miss my hair so much

And Oh Ya, on friday, The New Paper came to my workplace, wanting to interview and take a picture of me, guess what =)

They said my service was good ^^

But still, I shall and will not let this get to my head, I'm still weak, I'll juz have to work harder and improve myself 8D

Kk, Shall stop here... Need to check the forums for clothings xD

She's the reason for
The teardrops on my guitar
The only thing thats keeps me
Wishing on a wishing star

Cosplay

2008-03-30T21:47:00.000-07:00

My mouth speaks, The Suspense... ^^

NONONO!!! =P bleh, no cosplay pics yet xD, u all will have to slowly wait if you're thinking of ripping off the cosplay pics i took =P

hmm... alrite... the past few weeks was quite ok... Many happy happenings and horrible experiences

Happy happenings = Hanging out wif Vic bro and the rest, getting to discuss abt dollfies wif Samantha, DECIDING ON MY 1st DOLLFIE!!!!

Horrible experiences = Cartel, Amelia, Alfresco

Hmm...

Went for a haircut... OMG... I've like cut my fringe... My beloved fringe TT_TT
But Hopefully It will turn out to be like Reita's... And I'll have the time to grow as long as him... Hopefully my entry to Ngee Ann Poly will be successful... I pray I pray I pray!!! Give me 6 more months and my hair will be like Reita's xD

One day after work, Jilin and Hui Wen asked me out to Xbar to have a barrel... T.T I was so broke then and the next day still going out wif Victor, Rachel, Jilin, Sorrow and Jimmy for Partyworld session

Well everything was quite ok til Hui Wen had to ask her ex down =.= So when we're actually going to head home from there... Jilin decided to stay back wif the group of guys Hui Wen called down (*Hui wen's ex's group of friends)
So I had no choice but to accompany Wen to the bus stop to see if theres NR service but there wasn't T.T

Along the way... some wierd things happened... Scared the hell outta me... As we were crossing the road... Wen grabbed my arm and guided me across T.T I felt so uncomfortable but I cant say it cos it may hurt her feelings =.= It was 4am by then, I wanted to go home to see some costume designs but I couldn't leave Wen alone... So I called Jilin over as Wen was crying (she felt betrayed by Jilin)... Its best that both of them talked things out ya? As Jilin came, wif that group of guys o.O Wen saw them and immediately jumped into a cab and went off =.= Oh well... Hope everything between the 2 girls will be alrite ^^

The next day at Partyworld... It was dam fun la xD hahaha... thou Jilin had to leave early for some unknown reasons... And I found out that I broke my voice... I'm able to sing the higher pitch that I used to find it tough to hit then... The songs I will focus on now would be Bei Pan (Betrayal) by Gary Cao and Ni Jui Zhen Gui by Zhang Xue You and of cos Wo bu Pei by Jay chou...

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Few days later, Denise asked me out to the body shop warehouse sale at suntec city o.O And I bought lots of things too xD (Body Butter, Hair volume mousse, Face cleanser, 2 Room freshener) and im out of cash then xD, Denise and her sister shopped so much they had to drag their shopping bag o.O Seeing them dragging that heavy bulk, i offered to help them carry =/ It doesn't pay to be a guy xD Well juz think of it as another gym training session LOL!!!

During the evening as we headed to Lavendar for dinner, I tot i would give a try at the coffee shop that me and Qikey used to go for dinner, and i got a surprise xD, Qikey was working at the coffee shop as a Tigress ( Tiger Beer Promoter) Oh well, she's gotten prettier over the months thou xD

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Been contacting Samantha alot recently... Learning and discussing about dollfies, Omg... They're so cool... And I've decided on 2 of them, thou I can buy one only... But I've decided on Shaina Blue!! I seen alot of other dolls thou but heck, I like Latidolls still =P thou Abio Angel and Lutsdolls are pretty nice thou (Thx Samantha for the recommendation ) =3

Oh ya to everyone whos asking me abt Rika, in my msn display nick, shes not my gf xD, she's my new baby doll ^^, a Lati Doll

So what if I'm a guy xD, guys can play wif dolls too =P

Meet Cara ^^

Meet Shaina (^^,)V

Well these are only the happy experiences =3
Blog abt the rest some other times...

At the end of the day
When we are alone
I get the feeling when I see your face
And I know, We will be together again

The Father's Heart...

2008-03-10T00:24:00.001-07:00

The Father's Heart...

Went to Xbar again on friday with Victor bro again =)

Introduced a couple of nice friends, Jilin and Jade...

Before that, we headed to partyworld for a karaoke session hahaha... Its addictive!!

OH YAH!!! Victor requested Jilin to sing Zhu Wo Shen Ri Kuai Le by Landy Wen...
That was the moment I heard someone singing til I was so engrossed... Her voice is perfect for the song... Too perfect... Simply Enchanting =)

Hahaha... I really envy Victor, able to have so many friends that cherish him...

And yea, Jade's voice is very very very good too!! Like Angela Zhang's... hahaha... The song she sang the best for the night would be Que Yang by Rainie Yang... The pitch for that song indeed is very very high... hahaha...

After partyworld, as we headed down to different clubs, starting from Double O, then Rumours, then MOS, but... oh well... Decided to go Xbar instead ^^

Finished a bottle of chivas in less than an hour wif 5 ppl drinking, thou Wen ko-ed already after a few rounds...

My immunity against drinking sure has built up alot... Hahaha... I dun get drunk, dun get head-heavy...

Met Andrew, Michelle's ex, he and his friends came in for a drink too... Hahaha... One of his friends kept treating us to a few rounds of Tequila shots... thou we're almost done already...
Left wif half a bottle of Vodka...

When we're abt to go home... I forgot who... came up wif the idea... go see sunrise o.O

And so we walked to the Esplanade... Hahaha... On the way, seeing Victor and Jilin acting wierd and talking abt 'Scandal' stuff... Can't help but keep laughing hahahaa... Kinda know what scandal means le... Hahaha... Flirt? xP

Chilled at Esplanade awhile, thou we can't see the sun at all xD
And we all headed home... and I K'Oed til evening... Juz a lil stomach discomfort, yep, definitely improving!! xD

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Had to rush down to Chris' house for cell grp...

Decided to rush down in a cab... cos I woke up late due to drinking the night b4...

While in the cab... All of a sudden...

My dad's face came into my mind...

And something was revealed to me...

The Father's Heart...

Every father, no matter how bad, will definitely want to see their sons and daughters get married and lead a happy life...

As simple as that...

Tears started flowing from my eyes then...

I dun feel sad...

I just pity my dad...

He didn't get the chance to see his son marry a nice girl and lead a happy life...

He didn't get the opportunity to see his daughter get married and lead a happy life...

Instead, he left even b4 enjoying his 'job' as a father... The rewards of being a father...

This encourage me further to live my life without regrets...

Was chatting wif Mekard on msn awhile...

Found out that being responsible for one's actions is very very important...

Everything has to start from oneself...

Only will this world be a better place...

Well while I was doing quiet time... I read up on the bible abt this guy named Job... He lost everything a human being has lost... He starved... He lost his family... He lost everything... But still he believed in God... And thus God returned him double the portion of everything he had lost...

Reflecting on my own life... things abt cartel, abt Nick, abt Sam, abt Mekard... I wonder... I've not done anything for them with schemes underlying... So I really do wonder... Those are the work of humans... Oh well... I've done my part... I've not let myself or Him down... Hahaha^^ That's all I really care abt... Thou now it seems that ppl wif schemes and evil thoughts wif the devil working inside of them, hoping that they would go down wif him... Are waiting for chances to bring down the ppl of God... Oh Lord, Have mercy on their souls (^^,) V

At least I had affirmation that I was going on the right path still... Unlike the dark, lonely, emo, path many chose to take...

Would you dance if I asked you to dance?
Would you run and never look back
Would you cry if you saw me crying
Would you save my soul tonight?

2008-03-02T07:18:00.000-08:00

At times...

Like this...

I would wonder...

Why must I be strong?...

Why must I be positive?...

Someone left church again...

The same old one started to hurt me again...

I feel like crying when I already promised myself not to cry over her...

Why can't I be weak?...

Why can't I be negative?...

Well... After quiet time today...

I understand that my past is what I am today...

I finally figured... Dwelling on my past makes me stronger... Cherishing and working on my future ensures my strength doesn't weakened...

1st of all... starting with my family... cherishing them... loving them more =)

2nd... those friends that made my these 2-3 weeks so smooth sailing... cherishing them... thanking God for them... loving them more... even sacrificing precious time and things for them...

Althou right now... I would love to emo and cry and break down... Due to what happened just now...

I kept asking myself... I kept asking God...

Who can I share these problems wif?

Who is willing to hear me out?

Who is willing to be there for me?

I can't simply be there for everyone and hear them out...

At times like this...

I would oso need someone there for me...

Who will?...

Sometimes I get so wierd
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
Its my... Lullaby...

New New New

2008-03-01T09:01:00.000-08:00

Finding My Place....

Many things have been happening this few weeks... HAPPY STUFF!!! ^^

Hahaha...

Got to know quite a handful of nice fun-loving friends, Serene, Michelle, Alicia,Samantha, Irene and Ben!!!

Its nice hanging out wif Denise^^, Building a strong friendship with her =) Thank God... ^^

Baking session with the help of Teacher Denise was very fun... hahaha... Those cookies were farewell gifts for Lester and Genma... They will be going home soon... T.T

The 1st Batch of cookies!!

Heart-shaped cookie by Denise

Smily cookie by... Me, of cos ^^

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Headed down to Xbar at boat quay ytd...

To celebrate Victor bro's bday hahaha...

Serene and Samantha had already started making Victor drink alot even b4 I had arrived...

I was late due to ending work at 11pm at cartel T.T

Aww man!! How I wish I was there earlier to play with him xD

When I arrived... Everyone was punishing me for being "Late", not becos I wanted to T.T

Chivas on the rocks...

Thanks alot friends...

Hahaha... Drank and Drank and...

Boy...

Was I a stupid Boy...

The 1st time someone ever made my head feel that heavy...
Have to thank mainly Serene for it =P
AND YAH!!!!
What's a bday without a bday cake!!!

Presenting to you...
Victor's Bday Cake 2008
A picture speaks a thousand words eh?
Wakakaka (^^,)V
Have to thank Samantha for helping me take those pictures...
Great picture-taking skills!!!
Cheers~
Had a hangover the following morning...
Felt like my stomach turned inside-out hahaha...
But it was soooo fun!!!
I loved it...
Great Friends...
Great Booze...
Great Time...
Great Samtaro!!!
When the moon falls in your eyes
I know the sun has set
The fire still burns within me
Since the day we met

Clearing...

2008-02-22T07:40:00.000-08:00

A Flower growing in the river...

My blog's getting cloudy... from all the rants and sad incidents... Hahaha...

When Rachel said I was wallowing in self pity... I thought for quite awhile...

Maybe I am...

Maybe I am not...

Many will definitely not agree to the way I'm doing things...

Everything happens for a reason...

Hahaha...

Hmm... Where do I start...

Yes I do admit I used to wallow in self pity when See Yueh left me and such... Eventually I did become an optimistic person and such... Using the past as a stepping stone to become stronger in a good way or a bad way... Afterall... Your past is what you are now... I think those who hurt others would know what I mean... =) They were hurt once too, so in turn they hurt others in the same way instead of not following in their shadow...

Right now I dare to admit that im not wallowing in self pity...

Its that I think alot... I think alot and at least I'm taking actions and the initiative to make my life better... And of cos, others... =) Whereas I'm not only thinking and hanging there... And not doing anything to get stronger =)

I'm not comforting myself that I'm being used by ppl or being sacrificed or betrayed... I give thanks that they are even doing that... Its a chance for me to be pushed onto the ground and to stand up stronger than I was yesterday ^^

Months back... I had a post... Abt everything has been going so smoothly for weeks... Its something I'm not used to... My life has not been smooth for the past 18 years... its unusual to get such peace...

Its not time yet... Not time yet to get such peace...

I'm not that strong yet to be able to get the opportunity to enjoy such peace...

I'll be stopping here... Blog some other times... =)

If you're not the one
Then why does my soul feel glad today
If you're not the one
Then why does my hand fit yours this way

The Smile on my face...

2008-02-17T17:15:00.000-08:00

The Smile on my face...

1st of all... b4 i start blogging abt the recent happeninings... I would like to ask this person wif the ip add of 192.168.1.302 to stop impersonating... I know who you are and you know who you are... So if you really wanna tag... Plz use ur real name... thank you =)

The 1st rose of my life!!!! Hahaha...

2 year ago... Valentine's day 2006

Ok... Anyway... Its 9.18am!!! Going for training later on at 11... Gosh... A JAP RESTAURANT!!! hahaha... I hope this time its gonna be different... I have Jimmy and Keelin to back me up... than in cartel... where almost everyone has selfish ulterior motives or can't be trusted... Well some ppl that is...

Finding out alot of stuff abt Sister Amelia... Somehow got me very disappointed wif her... Seriously... But like what she said... She prefers the life she has now... Oh well... If shes happy that is... (^^,)V

Anyway I wonder if some "brother" is still reading my blog... If he wants to make me realise something... If he wants to HURT me to make me realise something... If he wants to HURT me to make me realise the REALITY OF THIS WORLD...

Then...

Let me tell you one thing...

It ain't gonna work...

I've been thru the worst possible things in the year 2007...

I've been hurt til im numb to the pain...

Why am I so "stupid" and "naive" to trust ppl so easily?

Well im not as gullible and dumb as you all think I am =.=

It's to make this world a better place... Everything has to start from oneself...

Be it being sacrificed or betrayed...

It's always a learning process for me to get stronger...

You were hurt b4... by someone u deemed a "bestie"

He took away something precious from you...

He hurt you...

Do you want to be like him?

Always remember... Faith, Love and hope prevails... =)

Guess you have none...

WITH THIS!!!!...

I dare you to come at me with everything you got...

To fight a evil... A greater Evil is needed... lol (sounds so drama)

Think I've got to revert to my old self sometimes...

I can't always be a nice person and try to make things clear...

Oh well...

Guess what... Come and try me =)

......

....

.......

...

.......

I've been wondering... Why is everyone trying to wipe that smile off my face??

Til now I can't come to a conclusion yet...

Maybe they are just jealous that they aren't happy... and plans to make others join them in their sad meeky, dungeon-smelling, dark and dull little corner... emoing...

Oh well....

Samtaro(^^,)V

Peace~

If one isn't loved...

One wants to love...

If one loves...

One wants to be loved...

Confused...

2008-02-11T18:15:00.000-08:00

Confusion and Frustration

Its been a long time since I published any of my posts...

With 7 unpublished posts left rotting away, due to the posts being rants and stuff...

Let me keep everything short...

Recently... A friend went MIA for no reason... I can't seem to think of the reason that friend went MIA... I thought it was my actions that made that friend stay away from me... But thinking deeper... I don't think that caring for a friend would make that friend stay away... Maybe its juz that friend... Abt Choosing friends... Oh well... I did my part... If that friend just want to be a hi-bye friend and be that way... There's nth that I can do already... Same goes for HER...

I thought it was my problem...
I thought it was my actions...
I thought it was everything that has got to do with me...
Am I not just fine the way I am?
Guess I have to change further...

As I was talking to denise ytd... I do feel that my purpose in life... Is for everyone to use me...

When they need me... They approach me... They find shelter and rest... Once they're done... Then their gone...

Laying down at the playground most of the nights... Thinking what really is going on... That friend... HER... My life... The changes I need to make... Sister Amelia... My job... The ONE... Rika...

Why can't my life be simpler and better... A happy family... A happy girlfriend... and of cos... A happy me...

Oh well...
Have to keep it short...
I did promise you I'll try to smile for you always eh?
I'll keep that promise... =)

Like the stars that twinkle in the night sky
These melted hearts will nvr seperate
Even if these hands are
As long as the two never forgets...

Me or my heart?

2008-01-19T23:04:00.000-08:00

Me and my heart...

Its been a week+ with lots of drafts and unpublished posts... A week of crying in my heart and finding myself once again... Well... I've changed... I've matured alot... I'm not self-praising myself... What assured me I've changed alot is by the words of my ah pa Nicholas aka Gold Dragon and my aunty Joy...

Ok lets start from things that happened at Cartel...

David have left cartel already... Maybe looking for another job... Aww I'm gonna miss him hahaha...

Leanne!!! My favourite silly girl has left cartel too... The job's too tough for her I think... But having her around in Cartel would make a big difference for me... Hahaha... She nvr fails to cheer me up ^^ althou she is slow at buzzing =P and I have to help her but hey ^^ Its the joy of working together hahaha...

My sister Amelia... I'm afraid I'm losing her very very soon to cartel... Everyday's she's wif Kelvin and not much in contact with me anymore... The secrets-sharing session and brother-sister accompany session is no more... Most probably sharing everything with her bf now... Hahahaha... Asking why she couldn't go for service and cell... She told me it was personal reasons and couldn't tell me and she have already told Joy... What is so secretive that she can't tell me about? I wonder... She used to tell me her deepest, darkest secrets... And this secret can't be that bad... Can it?

Oh well... What I can do is to continue to be a brother and be there for this "sister"... Its already of my dearest memories... Seeing Amelia as a childish brat... Slowly growing up and facing troubles... Working at cartel... Finally getting someone that I believe is a very nice person... Too nice that at times... I'm afraid Amelia is using him... Hahaha... Seeing how so many part timers are starting to hate my sister... I can do nth but to sit there... try to protect her... but fail to do so...

Come to think of it... Wasn't this why I came to cartel? To protect and guide this sister of mine? If I can't do it... Why even am I still in cartel?...

Anyway i believe that theres more to come...

Recently... Everyone's asking me to give up... George... Wati... Leanne... Tracy... Alywin... Bonnie... Rachel... Kelvin Khoo... So many... So many...

It really is a test of time and patience...

Somehow... A part of my heart is slowly dying inside... each time I see that "brother" continuing eventhou I confronted him and ask him to make things clear... He just told me that he is close to her becos he is her "Guardian Angel"... and even told me... giving me more hope... that Im the "ONE" for her...
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When Wati asked me... Why dun u do anything?

I just replied... There's nth I can do... But if she's happy wif him... I'll have to let go... Cos I just want her to be happy =)

That's from the bottom of my heart...

Alywin asked me something too... What are you going to do now?

After much thoughts... I replied... I'm gonna give her my blessings ba... hahaha... ~Smiles~

Am I really giving up? Hmm... Not exactly... but I just want her to be happy thats all =)
It's like betraying myself... Just for others to be happy... hahaha...

Brother Kelvin talked to me... at 7am in the morning... a Saturday morning... He called me up just to chat... hahaha... I really appreciate that ^^ We were both tired... hahaha but glad that he made an effort to call me =) I was ton-ing with Hui mun, Jimmy and Keelin outside the entire night... While Kelvin was outside with his friends the whole night too...

He told me from a 3rd person's pov... "That guy" and "her" from his pov... No doubt are bf/gf that kind...

As he continued observing... He told me what he can deduce hahaha... Me and Her and that brother... Both were sitting next to each other with her in the middle... the difference is... they were sitting closely together while many bags separate me and her... hahaha...

With that I just couldn't help but starting to burst out in laughter... Very much observant hor...

Seriously I have to thank Kelvin for comforting me... When I was tear-ing away at the kbox session... Only he noticed that tears were slowly dropping from my face... everyone else just continued in merry-making...

Nick told me... You're just plain naive...

Wati told me... You're one of the rare breed of men still on this earth XD

Joy told me... You've matured and grown alot in the past half a year... I'm proud of you...

Nicholas told me... It's good to see you growing... But... ~Lectures~ xP

The 1 person and 1 not-from-this-world being I would like to thank for this great change in me... Would be...

See Yueh and God

If I wasn't broken... I would have been the same Sam... the lousy Sam not many liked... the lousy Sam with his emo thinking...

Its the long long process... Of patching back the million pieces of my broken glass heart together... It's painful... It's lonely...

Many in the same situation would have gone the shorter and easier route... Turning bad... Flirting... Womanizing... Drinking... Smoking... Crimes...

Many a times if the past half a year... I was so tempted... by so many things... I seriously have to thank God that he has helped me in my way of thinking and not letting me get tempted...

Yesterday was the makings of the greatest history of the "hor fun" kids and me, the "hor fun" kids' cousin XD

Chris asked Joy to be his gf!!!!!

and Joy agreed!!!

Hahaha... My ah pa Nick started to play a song for them... A love song... The cheeky "us" decided to squeeze them together and let them enjoy the song my god pa played for them... As he was playing... I closed my eyes and laid my head on the sofa... Facing the ceiling... Everyone was cheering with joy... Instead I'm the only one with tears running down my face xD... I was so happy for Joy and Chris... but at the same time... Asking myself... Why issit me that I can't find my happiness yet... Do I have the resolve to go find it?

With that... We all headed down to a coffee shop near Michelle's place and on the way... As the rest chatted away... I blasted the song " Young Folks" given to me by my special friend, Leanne... Its a very cheerful-emo song xD...

Continue the rest later on in the night...
Ciao~!
~Samtaro(^^,)V~

Even If the Sun refuse to shine
Even If we lived in different times
Even If the ocean left the sea
There will still be you and me

2008-01-11T20:44:00.000-08:00

Are you really helping? Brother?

These few days has been the worst and best days of my life... =)
I'm starting to see the true color of someone who claims to be my brother and is helping me out =)

Lets start with the happy stuff ^^

I gave Sam a bday card, inside are my heartfelt wishes and feelings ^^
Its just to make everything clear...
Well she accepted it quite positively so yay!!! hahaha... I'm a happy Sam becos of that =)
Having sleepless nights the past few days... Was searching for Westlife songs and Mtvs to give Sam as a bday present... And racking my brains on what other things to include in the cute CD I bought hahaha...

Hmm... Bonnie is quite a nice person... She mentors me alot at cartel... Be it work or personal life ^^ It was during working time when she dragged me out of cartel to double check the bday card I was going to give to Sam and even went shopping with me for the cute one-of-a-kind CD... Seriously I can't thank her enough... And she told me something frankly... She said that I'm a very very nice guy, its sad that SHE doesn't realise it... The sacrifices you did for her... But its ok... Take your time... Time will tell =) With that... I slowly trotted down the escalator... Oink ^^... not with smiles... but with tears flowing down my cheeks...

Ok now for my special little girl, Leanne!!! Hmm... Shes the one closest to me in cartel and I'm the one closest to her in cartel for the moment ^^ Was chatting with her in msn a few days back... She really made my day =) So this was how it went... =)

Sam: but i figured out something when i talked to u

Sam: if i want to love someone... i cannot expect the person to love me back or want anything back in return and if i cannot do it... i might myself dun even start entertaining those thoughts

Leanne: tsk. then i'll wish you my best la. Soon, SHE will feel for you.. like the way you feel for her.

Leanne: at least you look at things on the bright side.

Sam: lets just say I've been thru the darkest and worst and loneliest of what life can throw at me, its a test of patience and time

Sam: I need your most frank opinion of me...

Leanne: haha, you a good guy

Leanne: you're willing to sacrifice so much.

Leanne: i guess i find you different from other guys.

Seriously... I don't doubt my ability to sacrifice that much or even be sacrificed for that sole reason... But the journey's gonna be long and painful... I've decided to start sacrificing... For that reason of just to love her...

But come to think of it again... Loving her means Loving myself... Many ppl love another person just becos they want the person to be together with them... Is it possible to love a person without expecting any returns? Well... I will try my very best ba...

OK!!!!!!

Now... For the well... bad part... Lately... a "brother" of mine in cartel... In front of everyone... He told me saying that he was gonna help me out... With her... Cos we're brothers... I trusted him... OMG!!! how stupid can I get? Trusting a guy to get a girl =.= Well my instincts prove me right...

Early this morning... at cine's Kbox... Me, Him and Her were starting the singing session... I was starting to suspect something... even at the beginning of the Year 2008... He was acting very close to Her... Snatching for duets... Sitting comfortably and close beside Her... And even at times... Placing his arms behind her... Thou not touching her... But YA! He is the "brother" that I trust Her with... T.T When singing those chinese love songs... He would act all emotional and look at her face... even at times in her eyes... Yep... This is the "brother" who gave me his words... So SHE was the plan B after being rejected by another girl...

I'm human too... Am i not? I have feelings... YES! I feel jealous!! and for that whole toturing 5 hours... There's nth I can do but to fake smiles... Well... If that's the kind of guy she rather go for... I can do nth but wait to catch her when she falls... Well when seeing both of them so close... and that "brother" being so "romantic" in front of me without limitations... or sparing a thought of how I feel, I just couldn't help it but slowly spend the night tearing away...

Yes... This is the Mike and Nick's story... Brothers who fell because of a girl... one who betrayed the other for that sole cause...

Well theres nothing I can do... but to get hurt like this for a long long time I guess... I chose this path... This path of sacrificing so that she will notice it one day... The 1st few days of 2008... Its dark and gloomy... Many nights of crying and emo-ing awaits me... Bless me plz...

Well this is a dedication to the cartel peeps who support me...

Thank you!!!

George for being a mentor and a brother to help me out...

Bonnie for even sparing time to chat with me and teach me new stuff and mentoring me about HER...

Erwin for his life stories to help me out...

Kelvin for helping me out...

Amelia Thong for also giving me advices...

Amelia Tan for being part a sister when I needed support...

Hua Jie for keeping a lookout for HER and me...

Li Jing for also keeping a lookout for HER and me...

Leanne for being such a darling and make my working life at cartel enjoyable...

Vanessa for really really giving me advices and helping me out on her....

David and his point of views on her...

Nick and his ever lasting teasing and joking and of cos supportive of me...

Cessna for helping out at times...

William for even bothering to lend a listening ear...

Wai Hong for giving advices even thou he is not usually friendly and those kinds who would give advices XD...

Alai for even telling me what to do at times...

Aloyson for being the astro boy at cartel and bringing her laughter...

Liang hao for being such a brother...

Genma and Lester for even giving me the basic support and blessing me...

Henry for giving his "useless" support and advices...

Jolene for really consulting me on what to do and such...

and many more...

If only does she realises...

Well I'll stop for now... Have to go to work ^^

I lay my love on you
Its all I wanna do
Everytime I breathe
I feel brand new

2008-01-05T23:31:00.000-08:00

I thought you were my Fairytale..

It was the most hurtful yet pleasant experience at partyworld since... Worked a long 12 hours b4 finally relaxing and then heading there...

George and Her came around 10 for dinner and such... Well when I saw her... I was all smiles naturally... Like a little boy in a candy shop...

Whenever I see her smile... I can't help asking myself... Can I do everything to get that smile for me? Will I do anything to get her?

Before continuing on my experience at partyworld, I shall answer some questions Tracy Da jie sent me...

1. What do you like about her?

Ans: Her smile and her cheerful attitude ^^

2. Will you give it your everything once again?

Ans: I always give my best... I will not procrastinate this comment but... I can't be the best out there... But I know I will give my very best and everything that I can give... =)

3. Will you give up anything and everything just for her to be happy?

Ans: Even if it means my heart and soul =)

4. Can you do for her like what you did for See Yueh?

Ans: No... I'll definitely do better than that!! ^^

5. What have you done for her?

Ans: I help her at times during work eventhou its busy... I cook for her... knowing she skips meals... I have not done much truly but sadly... Theres so much I would like to do for her... So much so much... But I can't do it... Cos im afraid it would scare her off... Every small things I would love to do for her... Always set me through a process of thinking... Would this scare her off? Will she like it? Does it benefit her? Will she be happy?... Thus putting stress on me... But for the sake of happiness... I'm willing to do anything and everything ^^

6. Have you considered a worst case scenario where she's still ignorant abt what you can do for her and her future and reject your goodwill?

Ans: If she doesn't give me a chance to prove I'm worthy... Theres nothing I can do about it... It doesn't matter how good my impression that people have of me... If she doesn't notice it... It's useless...

7. Have you even started to know her as a friend?

Ans: I'm trying to know her AS a friend... I mean... How can we be lovers when we can't be friends... But she has this distance from me... It always makes me wanna cry... Wanna breakdown and ask God why?... I mean maybe its the stupid ideas I take from my colleagues... Their pushing... Their teasing... It isn't doing me any good... In fact it's scaring her off... Sometimes I just sms her... hopefully she will reply me soon... Waiting... Waiting... Even most of the times... No replies... I don't want to be too persistent... T.T

8. So what's happening between you and See Yueh? Have you gotten over it? Make it clear now......

Ans: The 2 year promise between me and See Yueh... Is definitely now not waiting for her to get back to me... Its a cooldown period... That she will change for the better... I do not want her back anymore... Its pointless... I've changed... She's changed... Love is selfish... It's true... She used the worst possible treatment on me just so that she can go her own way... I will not do anything close to that... I must be faithful... Loyal... Hopeful... if my partner cant change for me... I'll change for my partner...

9. Are you thinking of any girls as Plan B and C if this fails?

Ans: Definitely not... I'm giving my heart and soul into getting to know her more... Those people who know me well... I'm a one-man-one-girl kinda guy... What I would like to say is like one of dido's songs... If you won't let me fall for you, Then you won't see the best that... I would love to do for you... Instead... You will pay missing me... When I'm gone... Cos I'm bored of hanging out... In your cold...

10. With so many people supporting you, You can't be wrong ya?

Ans: If there's so many people supporting me... I'm not ashame to admit that I must be a good guy... But even with the support of so many people... And she doesn't realise it herself... There's no point with the support of so many people ya? So with this last question... I will say... This is a test of patience... Til the day she realises I'm a good husband... =)

Issit enough to love
Issit enough to breathe
Somebody ripped my heart out
And leave me here to bleed

Im trying to give my very best...

2008-01-04T19:13:00.000-08:00

She's kinda distant-ing away from me now... Issit due to the teasing of my fellow colleagues? Sometimes i hate them so much for doing that... Its not helping T.T

Yesterday I cooked fried rice for the cartel ppl to try out so that i can improve on my cooking the next time i cook for Her T.T

I seriously didn't know she was coming to work then... Heard that Kelvin asked her to work at the very last min... Hahaha... and as usual she rushed down without her meals again... So I decided to give her the fried rice which I cooked... I mean I do really care for her well being... I don't do all these for show =.=

2 days back... George and Kelvin and sis Amelia brought me to Partyworld @ Kbox... They were training me up for saturday... which is today... And even at home... My workplace... In the toilet... Everywhere... I'm training my vocals...

At Partyworld then... there was an hour + when it was all my songs... Hahaha... I kept singing and singing and singing...

Seriously I want to be the one for Her... I want to get to know Her better... I even went to check the New Urban Male bag she mentioned... Its a whooping 165$... I cant afford that yet... T.T

With all the support of my colleagues and friends and of cos TRACY DA JIE!!! I mean I can't be that bad a guy ya? In fact so many ppl supporting me shows that im a nice guy and should deserved Her ^^ But from my pov... I'm not that good yet... I still need improvements...

Well off to work now... God will bless me somehow...

Jia You Samtaro Hamster (^^,)V

If you won't let me fall for you
Then you won't see the best
That I would love to
Do for you =)

Year of Promises... Time of new beginnings...

2007-12-31T19:31:00.000-08:00

Just now at the countdown party @ Expo...

It was really a warm experience... Spending another year countdown-ing at the very same spot I did last year...

Mins b4 the new year... Flashes of memories of 2007 kept flashing thru my mind...

10...

9...

8...

7...

6...

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

Fireworks flew... People screamed with Joy... Tears started flowing down my cheeks and so I cried for more than 5 mins... Yes I'm a crybaby =/

I just wanted to hug my godpa... I just wanted to tell him... Pa... I made it thru the year 2007... Its the most difficult and loneliest year I ever experienced... I'm changed... Its 2008 now... New start... New beginnings... New hope...

Year 2007 was a very very very very hard year for me...

April 2007: Start of many arising family problems...

May 2007: My dad left me suddenly...

June 2007: Lonely Bday...

July 2007: Me and See Yueh got together...

September 2007: See Yueh broke my heart into a million pieces by going MIA wif another guy...

Oct 2007 - December 2007: See Yueh continue to break my already broken heart... Continuing Family squabbles... Failure as a brother to protect and guide my sister Amelia... I change my entire outlook and attitude and way of thinking

Its a year I lost almost everything dear to me... Its a year I made so many great changes to my life...

At 00.00 this morning... I asked a simple question... God... Give me opportunities to make my life whole again... I want to spend my next new year... With my destined one beside me...

YEAR 2008!!!! YOU BETTER WATCH OUT!!!! COS HERE I COME!!!! NTH CAN STOP ME FROM BEING HAPPY ^^!!!! I WILL DO MY BEST!!!! WHATEVER THAT CHANGES ME FOR THE BETTER AND MAKES ME HAPPY!!!! and of cos... I believe this is the year I will get together wif Her... Everything has to start with this hamster here eh? Samtaro Jia You!!!

Year 2007 has blessed me too... one thing... Friends... Cafe Cartel has changed me alot... alot... I love the people there... Finally even meeting one... able to blush once more whenever I see her smile so sweetly =)

And Now... Introducing the people who make the difference ^^

Amelia THONG!!!!! She's the sweetest and the manliest around ^^

Liang Hao and Vanessa!!!

Hamtaro and Astro Boy!!! ^^

Damn all you beautiful girls~
They only want to do you dirt~
They'll have Astro Boy Suicidal~ Suicidal~
When they say it's over~

Sam and Sam ^^

Classic^^ Don't you think so too?

Alai and Liang Hao^^ Man wor~ ^^
Theres a long fringed ghost in cartel uniform at the top left hand corner of the picture T.T

So this is how Astro Boy sleeps =.='''

Van and Thong^^

Group pic ^^ And here I introduce to you^^ The Cartel 10, opps missed 4 -.-''

Reita + Ultraman = Wierd Duo

I Look so Ah beng la!!! THATS NOT ME!!! Thats my twin I never knew I had ^^

Is sharing with that someone else
No one wants to be alone
It's the one thing that I know
Love takes two

Once Upon a sad story... A Happy ending was found...

2007-12-28T10:34:00.000-08:00

Sad Story: Today... See Yueh... She broke my already broken heart once again... What have I done wrong this time? After so many months apart... =(

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Happy Ending: This picture belows says it all ^^

I got quite a pretty good pic of my hair today!! hahaha...

You'll find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

I'm growing into it... Plz help me to see forever...

2007-12-25T07:54:00.000-08:00

Well... I've been reflecting back about the past 5 months...

Am I ready to start loving again? Do I have the rights to start loving another?

Ok... Lets start with the evolution of Samuel within the past 5 months...

Starting with outlooks..

Me with See Yueh then...

Me and my new hairstyle then and my ever 1st long sleeve shirt i bought for myself...

Me after See Yueh left me... My new colored hair!!!!

New haircut... ^^

Acting cute =.= hahaha... Still working at Casio...

Me and My new NoseBand Craze... Hahaha... New hairstyle... had fun trying...

Looking a little Visual Kei here... With the J Rock hair and such... =)

My new long sleeve shirt^^

Recently trying out a new hairstyle... Toro's kinda side spikes ^^ Casual Styling

Me, a few days back with my new hairstyle and outfit... =)

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now... about my attitude in life... The "inlooks"

Hahaha... After See Yueh left me... Or rather left me due to appearance reasons... =.=

I was devastated... I hurt myself... I hurt others... She left me alone stranded... and enjoyed life herself...

Those were my thoughts then...

Slowly... Slowly... I grew to change... Spending the past 5 months... Trying to love myself more...

Well attitude wise... I'm becoming very optimistic... Somehow... I think for my future... I want the best for my wife... So I have to be the best (^^,) V

I'm taking things slow now... In an open-minded way ^^

So for "inlooks" wise... i pass hahaha... so YAY!!! im free to love once again!!! =D

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Recently... A girl at Cafe Cartel has caught my eyes... Somehow...
She's so sweet... So cheerful... Just like Rika...
Well... I'm actually quite happy just staring and taking quick glances at her... Her smile too in fact...

But then... I kinda confessed my feelings... in an indirect way... I'm not sure how she takes it...

I cant promise I'll be the best guy ever for her... But I can promise I will be the guy who would give all his best for her...

Seeing her talk to other guys and such... Some ppl asked me... Dun u feel like whacking that guy? Aren't you jealous... Well... I don't see it that way... Even if she is my gf... She has her freedom rights...

These rights were given to See Yueh too... She misused it... and ran away... went MIA...

I don't hope to rush into things... But i really do hope that she would give me a chance thats all =)

I just hope she notices my existance... Not wif the teasing by my fellow colleagues... Its not helping T.T

If im a good person... She can see it with her own eyes i suppose =) And if she doesn't notice it... Theres nth I can do but to have patience til she realises...

There's so much I want to do... So much that I can see the future slowly...

Like my Da jie Tracy told me... Samsam, you make a very good husband but not a very good bf but still good... If that girl can't see it... Its their Pa Sar ("Problem")... I'm sure that one will come by and know that its fortunate to have you around...

Stesha Sis oso told me.. Maybe its one in a million girls would love you back the way you love her... One in a million... thats alot...

Well... I'm not actually asking for stead yet or anything T.T I just want to be her best friend and know her better... ^^

Well... I can finally admit I've grown in my thinking somehow... But yea... I'm waiting for a chance as usual... To prove that I'm sincere and true... =)

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find You and I collide

Stars shining bright... Wish you're here tonite...

2007-12-17T00:13:00.001-08:00

Well almost everyone thinks this blog is dead... So it shall be my personal dairy of sorts XD...

Its been a nice week... Getting to know nice people more... Nicholas... Jolene... Vanessa... Samantha... Edward... Erwin... William... George... Kelvin...

Hahaha... All of them... are very interesting... in one way or another...

Hmm... Lets start with Nicholas... hahaha... the funny guy... was talking to him on msn... comparing blogs... seeing whose is more emo and sad... Teasing Jolene and stuff... hahaha...

Jolene!!! ahhh... shes a nice girl... like how Nicholas described her... She's so sweet, so kind, so gentle, so fragile and so bloody thin... Hahaha... Sometimes I wonder if her eye lashes are fake... cos its too nice to be natural but yea... hahaha... like me =p too cute to be natural ya? XD And Heil Sieg! For Jolene and her Nutella Escapades.... =D

Vanessa, hahaha... quite softspoken but once she opens up... shes quite a friendly person hahaha... Somehow alot of ppl at Cafe Cartel reminds me of people from my past... Vanessa here... Looks like Magdaline... yea... from years back in the childcare centre... My childhood friend til secondary school... =) missed those days... Vanessa is quite helpful and quick as a buzzer, Swee Liang's buzzer... must be 7 years of bad luck wif him XD...

Samantha... Shes like the sweetest girl in cartel la... hahaha... that day when i took over her shift... hahaha... she returned back to cartel later on in the evening... not in her uniform... Totally shocked me... She looks just like Her... For a moment there... I was speechless... Stunned... and the way the other Sam sms and talks and looks... Woah... Its an split image of Her... Hahaha... maybe they are twins =P who knows? Visited her blog... Sam's songs... are Her Favourite songs... some of them... and I used her blog like a music player XD... Brings back happy memories... and of cos... one song brought back the worst of memories... Hahaha...
That song would be... When there was me and you from High School Musical, sang by Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron...
Well, that was my song for See Yueh... Ahh... nvm... away wif the bad and hurtful memories...

Anyway the Her, thats you... Reigne Cho Rikano... hahaha... the one who left me with the best of memories... The happy and Cheerful Rika I knew =D...

As for the managers... Edward... William... George... Kelvin... Erwin... all of them are super interesting la... Everyone has a past... but hey... look at all of them.. Happy as they are lol...

Cooked Glutinous Rice days back... 1st time cooking that dish... my grandma taught me... spent 2 hours preparing the ingredients only =.= Well when its out... I brought 2 small containers of it... to cartel... to let Sis Amelia and the others to try... Ended up gaving it to my twin... Sam!!! and the other... to Sis Amelia... Both had good comments on the food... Phew... I thought i was going to die like how Steven Jr was made fun of his Layered Egg... GAWR!!!! But hey... I love cooking... and of cos... cooking for those i care... hahaha... thats the point of cooking... not for the stomach but for the heart =3

Things have been good lately... Eventhou i heard that song from High School Musical... this time... Tears did not flood the keyboard... Instead... I found my resolve and strength... See Yueh is not worth my love... Like what Sis Stesha said... One day... You will encounter that very special one... Maybe 1 out of a million... I'm holding onto that hope... My faith, loyalty and hope will prevail...

But what wif the promise? Da jie asked me... I made it clear... Im one who keeps my words... I'll give her 2 years... 2 years without me... and hopefully know what she has lost.... I pray...

Was watching the shooting stars this early morning at 4am at east coast park Jetty... hahaha....
looking around.. my friends came in pairs... and me... I'm alone T.T
The 1st shooting star I saw... I made a promise... A promise in my life... Just like how Jesus' Faith, Loyalty and Hope in his Father made him prevail all the way til he was crucified... I want to be like him... only that its towards God and my future half...

Why am i not rushing into another relationship... After the previous one left me stranded, torn and hurt... Yes I can... Everyone that has experienced what I experienced would have done so... But why did I not? Cos... Im not everyone... Maybe those romantic novels and final fantasy games... Have changed me into something not from this world... hahaha...

I was never looking for a girlfriend...
I have been always searching for a wife...
Someone to last wif til eternity...
Not someone to last wif til I find a wife...
As simple as that...
I promise...

=)

If my ship leaves this lonely world behind...
Your voice will still remember our melody...
Melodies of love...
I love you...

To the hands that rock the cradle...

2007-12-15T08:50:00.000-08:00

Its been a very very long time since i blogged...

Too many drafts...

So much time...

Everything you said...

Has been running thru my head...

Its time I give up the old and the bad...

And start anew...

Past few weeks was pretty smooth somehow... I'm afraid something bad would crop out soon... As Usual...

Hahaha...

What can i do? But to pray every night b4 I hit my pillow...

Shopped with sis Amelia for her prom night a month ago... shoes... purse... earrings... ring... and even brought her to Ken to do her hair... ^^

Started at Cafe Cartel @ PS, 3 weeks ago... Met many nice peeps there... Hahaha... Everything's there going smoothly... Too smoothly for me... Perhaps im changing somehow...

Optimistic... That's what im learning to be and slowly reverting to... =) Hahaha... I'm letting go of that unhappy and ugly incident... It's not good to hold those sad and angry memories in... See Yueh... Bye... Casio... Bye... Quiksilver... Bye... Its not just a memory... It was a part of me... I'm slowly learning... Hahaha...

A month back... While in that pub... Words of Wisdom... yea... That guy Bob... If you dun love yourself... What rights have you to love others?... Reflecting upon it... Its true... true...

If you dun forgive yourself.... how can u forgive others?... And so it goes on...

Visiting my dad every sunday... Bringing in flowers... For him... For my aunt... For a friend's dad... spending close to an hour there... talking to my dad... thou its wierd talking to pictures but... yea... He will hear me and bless me somehow...

I'm not stupid to not let go of those ppl... I'm just faithful... or both maybe XD...

Many old friends suddenly came popping back into my life... Bringing back with them... Happy and Unhappy memories... Reminds me of how i was such a loser in sec sch... I'm changing... God is here wif me I guess...

Another thing that is happening would be abt Sis Amelia... The reason im in Cartel is that I felt the need to guide her and protect her there... Shes getting herself into so much problems... I already tried my best... I can foresee... That many problems for her are arising... Especially wif the higher-ups in Cartel... It's another See Yueh I see in Amelia... It breaks my heart... But... Afterall its her life to lead... Well (^^,)...

Well... Everybody's changing... Slowly but surely... I can't be sociable overnight like I want to... But hell yea... I want to do my best... Hahaha....

It's a long long journey...

And im coming back home...

To you...

Broken once again...

2007-10-24T08:48:00.000-07:00

Well, in the morning today, was worrying abt my daughter, worried she might get rejected by the guy she likes, worried that the guy would take advantage of the situation and make her do things she is unwilling to, but then, here she is, happy and hopeful things will turn out good for her, for that I thank God for being such a forever faithful God, blessing every single little thing In the afternoon

Met kai up for a bowling and arcade session at Tiong Bahru Plaza and Kim Seng Bowling centre hahaha, if not it would have been a day full of emo-ing and worrying Damned... my bowling skills has become worse than what it used to be in secondary school... Hahaha... thou my CS skills nvr seem to worsen but get better everyday =) And something to rejoice about, I threw my packet of cigarettes which is still half-filled into the bin, signalling the end of my newly started smoking addiction...

Met Josh up at 4+ at stadium, to play LAN, met Ting Jun, Shao Lun, Daniel, Rayan, Gabriel, was like some LAN shop reunion Xp Well thou they were there for a short while, it was still fun seeing them doing well...

Had great fun fragging kai and josh like no one's bussiness thou it was a 2v1 matchup hahahaha... Went to kai's house for dinner and to improve my piano playing skills =)...

The worst thing that happened today was when I left kai's house...

Walking alone that lonely road, A sense of dread and grieve overcame me, it was like a dejavu... The same feeling that asked me to call her when she was crying after that quarrel with her ex bf Jeff... The same feeling that asked me to be there for her when her gan kor Xiao Yu played her out and hurt her... The same feeling that she went Missing In Action(MIA) and made me rush down to her house to find her... I was really worried, I was really saddened... I felt something dreaded was happening...

Finally I called See Yueh, neither did I know this was the worst thing I could have ever done... Hearing her voice I so longed to hear, I cant help but to realised how much I'm still missing her, loving her T.T, but this time, she told me everything was alright... I cant seem to get over her yet... Its been a month... My heart still longs strongly for her...

After putting down the phone, my walkman phone played this song, Yi Ran Shi Peng You, by itself... The song was one of See Yueh's favourite... without a moment's hesitation, I kneeled down on the pavement by Bukit Merah view, in front of so many passerbys, and started to tear... to weep... was this sudden breakdown trying to tell me to replace my new addiction, smoking, with crying?

An Auntie came up to me, and told me, Boy, dun cry already... Life is short... Believe in yourself and you will be happy =), with that she hand me a packet of tissue and smiled as she walked off...

I was left there, kneeling by the side of my road, with my face buried in my bandana, weeping like some pussy (like kai would say) over a girl, only have I noticed I was so alone in this big big world... Continue my story tmr... =)

I'm waiting, I Promise =)

2007-10-21T21:19:00.000-07:00

I'I'll wait for you, I Promise... This is my favourite line from Final Fantasy VIII, thou its simple it holds many meanings...

This is the line of my life...

Why am I waiting? Who am I promising? To some people, thats just dumb... I'm being true to myself, my heart... A flame in the heart, no matter how long... Will slowly burn out... What's needed is the fuel for the flame to keep going, Faith, Hope and Love...

Missing one and it aint complete... Til this day... Kim, Rika, See Yueh... I have no regrets... no regrets at all... Thou how small the flame is, I will still fuel it with my self-deception, love-hidden hate... Thou now I realised, seeing one of them with another guy... The rings that I want to entrust to... I just have to let her go... See her happy... I know that I've did my part... The best that I could give... Not everything she wants, I can give, but I changed myself to give her whatever she wants... But afterall, that fairytale was just another chapter to my life's story... But hopefully that fairytale will just continue someday... I pray and I hope... We laughed, we cried, we held on fast, and then we said Goodbye...

Will the princess ever love the horse keeper forever? Will the prince ever meet the witch again? The fairytale most ppl believe in, was nvr much of reality to anyone... Soon another fairytale will start... How does it start? Will it ever end? But this time, the flame in my heart will grow stronger, stronger than ever, even if my body starts to burn too, I will nvr regret even until the ashes is whatever thats left of me...

All I need is just a chance, a chance to find someone, faithful to me, loyal to me, trustworthy to me...

Crying,,,

2007-10-02T14:53:00.000-07:00

Its 6.20 am now....

I cant sleep....

I'm crying now....

God plz....

Help me let go....

Althou I still love her so much....

Plz help me let her go....

I don't wanna cry like this again....

It says 31/08/07...

Why did it have to end so fast?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2 weeks + has passed....

She has gotten a new boyfriend....

I don't wanna cry myself to sleep....

Its painful....

Very painful....

Im hugging my bolster so tightly....

Wishing that she was the one Im hugging....

But I want her to be happy....

I need to let go....

God plz....

I beg you, I pray, I ask you....

Plz redeem me....

Im suffering....

No matter what is it....

The rings I've already gotten....

Hopefully it will come in use....

To put it on See Yueh's finger....

God I seek your holy hand to be laid upon me....

I don't want another girl now....

I want to stay faithful, Loyal and trusted to one....

Thats why Im unable to let go....

I cant accept the fact that it has happened like this....

But seeing is believing....

Dear Lord....

I need you to help me grow stronger....

I need you more than ever....

Now or never....

Flying without Wings

2007-08-19T04:39:00.000-07:00

Today at work was great...
Candy( My Supervisor) was super funny la... She wanted to punish me for not bringing the Casio poster outside near the escalator but instead she punished You Rong lol...
She took some tape, you know those type of super strong and sticky kind and stick it on his hairy hand, BRIZILLIAN WAX TIME!!!! XD

Then it was my turn but heck i was having cold sweat... Hahaha... so the tape didn't work much on me, juz a dozen hairs got ripped off so didnt matter =p, You Rong had like hundreds of hair ripped off la, haha but amazingly, he screamed like a girl XD

I'm deciding to start my 40 days of fasting tmr... Somehow I feel so empty inside...
not the stomach but my heart... Its that I feel that the spiritual family can't be trusted that much... I just feel so empty, til I have reached my limits... I keep remembering my Great Grandma, My Dad and Eugene... all have left the face of this earth... Every Night... I keep thinking abt them, and those who I care and love so much... Althou they hurt me everytime... Til near DayBreak, then will I sleep, why have I reached the extent of crying myself to sleep once again? I hate that feeling... Am I too gentle? Am I too kind? Am I so different? I do admit I'm unique and often taken for granted... Sometimes hurting others would mean pleasure to me...

Starting tmr... Fasting and praying during breaks... I wanna experience a new found happiness, not new found jealousy, I want God to be able to tell me something, to fill me up... Thats what im hoping for now... Eventhou everyone dont give me a second chance... God will give me... and I'm waiting for that day...

Regrets?

2007-08-15T06:05:00.000-07:00

Well to those who read my previous post,
Well I guess I have to apologise

About the last post, I deeply apologise that I'm.... NOT REGRETFUL OF WHAT I HAVE SAID AND WONT TAKE THOSE WORDS BACK...

Well anyway, back to the issues of friends

True friends and normal friends...

What I feel is that true friends are hard to come by and if you dun cherish them, they may just move on and disappear from your life...
At times, all of a sudden, friends may just come streaming in, but keep in mind, cherish your true friends still... Don't ignore them or neglect them, Screw those who does that, jackass bitches think by having more friends means more popularity, have some thoughts about your other friends, faggots...

With that i make my point known, to some ppl out there... not specifically who but yea...

Peace (^^,)(V)

Sacrificial Items and objects...

2007-08-03T00:31:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I think about many things for a long time and finally it all makes sense... Some ppl are selfish enuff and too self-centered to sacrifice others and their feelings...

Case 1: Excuses and Reasons

Well many a time, people give excuses to make it seem reason enuff to decieve themselves to feel better, most of the times it is not reasons that they have but excuses they make so that things could go easier on them...

Case 2: Me,Myself and I

"I want to this becos I want to feel better", "I want to do that becos I want to focus more on other things", "I want to do these becos I want to benefit all of us", the word that appears the most would be "I", and all of these are basically excuses to comfort themselves.

Case 3: Replacing Emotional pain with Physical Pain

Ok, cutting yourself, hurting yourself, hitting yourself, are Physical pains, basically done by many people to over power their emotional pains so that they can focus more on the physical pain, Don't ya think so?

Case 4: Opportunities and Responsibilities

Hmm... In many types of relationship, be it BGR, family or friends, it always take both hands to clap, if one side doesn't give the other party an opportunity just based on one's selfish thoughts and excuses that seem reason enuff to themselves, nothing will work out
Responsibilties are what everyone has, creating a mess and leaving the other party to clean up all the shit left behind, its just very irresponsible and causes the other party to most probably be left confused and frustrated...

Case 5: Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not given as an when the person asking for forgiveness wants it, it takes time and for the person asking for forgiveness to prove it, through actions, not words, which is totally meaningless, Action with Words is nothing, Action with Faith is something, mind you, words are not excuses =)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Case Study
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alrite back to topic, feeling down lately, due to some person's selfish and self-centered intentions, leaving me to clear up the mess again, I'm always the "Shit Cleaner".... Dunno why oso....

A family who truly cares and not for show, is what im searching for, basically, for example, my friends and family who visited me during my work, esp when I was at the cream puff shop and handphone shop and Casio shop, I noticed one thing, not a single member of the Spiritual Family is there, Busy? Well isn't everyone busy, but they stil make time, No matter how busy I am, I'll make an effort to go down to visit my friends no matter what they do, e.g. Jason when he started work at Tangs, YongShan when he worked at Fin, so on and so forth...

I guess its time to be direct and I'm speaking from my heart, the spiritual family, has been just there for show, excluding the leaders, when they care for one another, they only truly care for some of their fellow family members, closer to them, and for the rest, its just show, hypocrites I say, they say they care for everyone, but in reality, its caring more about themselves, they only open up to one another and speak to each other selectively, thus in the process hurting others, namely ME, I don't really care already, since going to church is for God not for others which now I feel are not worth my care and effort...

Hui Mun: Althou the family is not always loving ( Hell Yea ^^)

Yi Long: Someone in the family backstabbed me (Woah...)

Sadly to say, stop putting up those acts, Screw You all, Suckers _|_

Shit Happens...

2007-07-30T03:24:00.000-07:00

Haha these past few weeks has been an eye opener for me XD

Starting work one 1st August so won't be attending service for a long long long long long long time hahahaha....

Anyone interested in getting a Casio watch, buy it from me, it benefits you AND me XD, u buy from me at a discount and I earn the commission... Killing 2 birds with one watch o.O

Its been a very confusing and stressful week for the past week, many things happened and nothing was explained clearly XD, so its confusing =/

Visited my Dad last friday, his picture was very nicely done, spent an hour + talking to him, or his picture that is XD, talking about how im doing now, how the family is doing, about a special someone (who shattered me totally), about the future...

There are so many things I planned to do, so many things I wanna do, so many things I have to do, but somehow, things always don't go as I planned haha, so I don't get to do them =/

Burned a whole toilet roll with all my thoughts and feelings on it, every piece of paper...

Yesterday, me, Jimmy and See Yueh went to celebrate well... See Yueh's bday XD, gave her a wallet as a present, a wallet I have been keeping for a long time... Had a family feast at KFC, then giant Earthquake icecream at Swensens...

Sis Emily called me up, its been a long time since I last seen her, or even talked to her, like say... 3 years, she asked how I was doing and why I was not in St Theresa's church, well somehow... God spoke to this great friend of mine who was with me since K2 in St Theresa's church, God told her I had troubles... Troubles of the heart... I spent time...a Long time talking to her, I missed that feeling, that feeling of the last days I spent in St Theresa, everyone just seemed to interact with each other althou in the past we rarely even talked to each other, we chat, played, teased each other like we known each other for eternity...

Yesterday after the celebrations... I felt really heavy, not my weight la, but my heart and spirit, I opened a bottle of martell I took from home, one of my dad's collection, I drank 3/4 of the bottle, and Wow!... The feeling was great, first time in my life I was drunk, since I already built an immunity against getting drunk althou how much I drink haha.... Well it was a Greater Feeling later when I was fully drunk, The feeling.... There was none, I got knocked out for the night... I kept thinking about those who left me, those who left this world, My Great Grandma, my good bro from St Theresa, Eugene, My dad, these 3 to be named...

My Great Grandma, I respect and honour this lady, she lead a very tough life, raising my Grandma and her siblings, but what she got in her old age was her kids fighting over her inheritance...

My good brother Eugene, one of my good buddies in Sunday School, always hanged out every sunday for the whole day, escaping our parents and playing in church, played the church bells and hide and seek from our parents, those were the days... But God took him home, when I was in Pri 4, He drowned at his house's swimming pool after a full stomach of Roti Prata... Morale of the story, Roti Prata b4 swimming kills.... But, I really missed that bro alot...

My dad, althou his 46k SGD worth of shares are gone, not a single cent left for me after he died, I still forgave him, I don't despise him for what he has done...

My auntie Evelyn, she gave me 50 Dollars to start my work, I'm very touched she blessed me with money the time when I needed it the most... I remembered when I was a kid, she and my uncle were still dating, once she got me a shirt for my bday, I didnt like it and returned to her, she cried the whole night, she seems like those ppl who will Ji Chou matters and but today, she surprised me, althou it was a small 50$ blessing, what I thought was she shouldn't do this for me since im not very close to her, come to think of it, getting 5$ outta my mum is so hard now, let alone 50$ from my auntie...

Well, working at Isetan Scotts, Woo ^^, not Jurong Point le... Can meet my good buddy Jason le hahaha...

Recently, thinking of taking up smoking to pass my time...
Maybe I should =)

Well, who knows (^^,)

Everything Small....

2007-07-07T03:36:00.000-07:00

Details.... Details.... Details....
Looks.... Looks.... Looks....
Stares.... Stares.... Stares....
Smiles.... Smiles.... Smiles...

This tiny things can make a big difference... whether in a good way or a bad manner....
Recently many things cropped up.... I lost my internet so it was kinda tough to blog XD.... My family.... Shawn.... Things are not as what it seems, eventhou Winny has calmed my suspicions but what I guess was true.... Not that I have seem to feel something is amiss in the family but Jimmy and Nicholas can feel it too I guess.... hahahaha.... Have been hanging out with a group of new friends that my long time best friend, Jason intro-ed me hahaha..... quite fun ppl and they dun seem all that bad althou they smoke and drink which sounds bad but hell yea... its cool and fun XD....

Jimmy oso intro to his group of friends, 3 girls from his recent attachment, Farah, See Yueh and Fauzial, quite an interesting bunch haha.... Well of cos they have something interesting going on between them too XD hahahahah.... Well all I can say and pray is that See Yueh has to take care of herself =) and all that we as friends can do is provide advices, support and care ^^

After getting my pay, I chiong to the GSS (Great Singapore Sale) and got myself quite alot of new stuff, clothes.... belt.... etc..... hahahaha

Im a Newbie Store Member now XD, interestingly they got some very cute and interesting designs and it just doesn't seem that I can get them all lol.....

Well been working lately... so hardly the time to be able to do my quiet time or going out wif friends that is... Need more time.... XD

Peace <3>
Samtaro =)

Getting emo again....

2007-05-28T06:47:00.000-07:00
Everything's not going well, esp my family and friends, but well, I feel like giving up everything I'm trying to achieve atm, and well... spend more time by myself haha =/, I want more emo songs!!! I feel so much better when I'm emo, I dunno why XD, well at least my dad happy up there haha, He left us wif many things ^^, well... Bills and no money XD =.=, many a times, i try my best to change to be a better person to my mum and sis, eventhou how much well I dislike them, esp my sis, but then for some reasons, they still rant at me, mock at me, despise me, well... maybe I should give up everything... for the time being that is, maybe God will speak to me someday, sometime, somehow, I'm just waiting for that moment... Well back to my emo books and songs, tata =)

Updates

2007-05-18T08:23:00.000-07:00
Hey people, I'm Samuel's friend. Just here to update his blog for him.

He's currently attending his dad's wake and I could tell he's pretty lost these few days. However, don't worry. He's doing fine. Just give him some time and I believe he will be perfectly fine! =) Do keep him in prayer if you are a Christian and even if you are not, you can give him your support and encouragements too.

That's about it for now, I guess. =)

Where's Daddy?

2007-05-15T13:31:00.000-07:00

Well its 4.45 am now, looks like the next few days will be crazy, I feel lost, I didn't get the chance to tell my Dad " I FORGIVE YOU" for all those things he had done in the past to hurt me and my family, well he's gone now, woke up from a call from my uncle at 3.30 am, apparently he died of heart attack ( that's what I heard from his friend whom I called), I didn't gif him the chance to be a good dad, or for me to be a good son

When my mum and sis started crying, all i felt was.... Nothing.... Juz a little lost =/

I'm confused why do I not feel sad, or weep a single tear for him, do I really hate him that much? Right now, my mum, grandma and uncle are driving down to JB to pick up his body

"I Forgive You" These 3 words are very hard to say, esp from me to my dad, for not being there for me all these while, but I know these 3 words can change his life, and I keep praying someday I tell him and have him changed for the better, now I lost that chance, perhaps now I'll keep praying that God accepts him into his Kingdom

Reflecting upon his life, I will never ever want to be like him, I'll be a much better person than him, I promise, His life ended very very sadly,

1st: his son leaves him and does not contact him for 2 years,

2nd: his wife leaves him and asks for a divorce

3rd: the bank he owes debts to declares him bankrupt

4th: those women he used to " love" left him

5th: loneliness

He brought all these upon himself, and I pray that the ever-forgiving God embraces him and guide him =)

The last thing I can do for him, is pray...

Winter Wonderland

2007-05-14T03:49:00.000-07:00
LoL today sure is a very very cold day, I've been to "snow city", except this "snow city" is a storage space for frozen food, its amazingly -18 degrees there, met Daniel working there, in a colder section XD, for a moment I thought I was in the scene of BoA's mtv of Winter Love XD

When work started, I saw my 40 metres long container arrived, and there was only me, Ting Jun and Raymond working =.=, and I came to learn that today was very lucky, only two 40m containers, working there is not quite tough, juz need to be physically fit and able to take extreme temperatures thats all XD

Those 40m LONG containers

"SNOW CITY"

Daniel trying to escape my sneak shot XD

Burger King's Fries, 16.3 kg each carton, wonderful =.=

Well it has been one heck of a hectic day for me, oyasumi minna ^^

Chiong Ar !!!!!!!!!

2007-05-13T16:32:00.000-07:00
Today I will be trying work at Ting Jun's company, moving stuff XD in a gigantic freezer, heard it is very xiong, they pay us to move heavy stuff =.=, but look on the bright side, they pay us to train our muscles XD, thank God ytd for the healing he gave me for my cold and I was able to go for the party @ night, but sadly I didn't make it for service, its been weeks now, I shouldn't be missing a single service, I feel so bad

Anyway I got myself a 70SGD long sleeve shirt at P.O.A at Plaza Singapura, its a little bit tight but hell yea, its very nice XD
I don't always take pics of myself thou XD, but pictures speak a thousand words eh? ^_^
Alright I g2g now, enjoy this game, a friend of mine intro me, rather cute XD
http://www.ywlt.com/flash/0bells.swf
Tata ^^

Life is good

2007-05-12T09:23:00.000-07:00
Haha life is good I guess, even with all the ups and especially downs in life, it never fails to make me think and think and think

Anyone up for some fried cheese and bbq chicken at AMK hub? XD

Was reading thru Tammi's blog and she brought her friends down for fried cheese (looks quite nice) and bbq chicken ( which she described so vividly, machiam so nice XD)
Splish*Splash*Splatter*

Look at the cheese, not the girl XD

Pics copyrighted by Tammi
With Regards to Tammi

Hope I dun get flamed for it XD, anyways

Today there was this session wif Jackie Pullinger, a very annoited lady, sadly I didn't go XD
I went out wandering around instead T_T, so as there was so much on my mind lately, I followed Shawn to go meet Wei Ting XD, was dam funny I tell ya

Wei Ting had a problem wif another girl on this online game called MapleStory (which I just quit, Hurray ^^) and the other girl is an ah lian, hahaha, was so funny, over such things can quarrel and fight, when the fight started, what I did was stood there, watch and laugh, thinking that THAT was myself in the past, well til I went back to church and my life mainly changed there (Hurray for FCBC), had a chat wif Jason and stuff, chatted abt life and people, how weak human relationships are, how unfaithful people are, how unloyal people are =/

Where's the love? <3

Where's the love? <3

Where's the love? <3

This implies even to me, my relationship with rika and stuff, perhaps, without the love of God, everyone's eyes are still completely shut (literally).

Guess today's trip wif God sightseeing left me thinking (yet again) and feeling blessed.

I hate it time and time again, ppl reject going to church and stuff, why? We're not forcing u to change religion? Its not a religion changing stuff anyway, its that we are feeling the love of God, family and friends, and we want YOU to experience that too, aint it? For some reason, I never drag someone to service juz becos I want them to convert, hell no XD, somewhere in those heads, there is the way of thinking, Gawr another christian thingy *rolls eyes*, lol, well I have my way with doing things and way of thinking that is so unique, one and only XD

People look for me when they are having trouble, don't they? How about WHEN they are not having trouble? Most just chuck me aside and go party around happily haha, well that's alrite haha, my unique way of thinking gets me thru these rubbish all the time XD, I really like to thank Nicholas and Amelia for many atimes hearing me out wif my crap and talking to me and stuff

Well I think that's more than enuff for today, nites ^^

Peace

Moving Forward...

2007-05-11T09:53:00.000-07:00

Firstly I would like to give thanks to my dear friends for supporting me and encouraging me all these while thru the darkest and loneliest of times

This bracelet, handed down to me, precious to someone, precious to me, thx rika =)
This is Hui Mun, my good ol pal, lately, I sense something is happening to him, dunno what la, he is not as happy as he used to, maybe something's wrong, have no fear, Samtaro is here XD
Woohoo, Cream puffs galore, im getting sick of it, lol, quitting soon, dun wanna work there any longer, its not the pay, its not the timing, its the pride and treatment i get there, im always at the back, supporting the making of cream, mixing of cream, refilling of cream, mixing of flour, folding of boxes... Yep thats my job, but the others dun kinda get it, they always order me around like I'm under them, Sam Get the Chocolate Cream, Sam Get the Boxes of Six, Sam make 2 more batch of Cream cheese b4 u go home =.= Am I some sort of worker to let them order around? I get the same pay as them leh T_T hahaha, one more week and I'm freed of my misery XD so happy ^^
Anyway thx to all who spend time to tag and read my 1st post, til then, Ciao (, ^ )

Good to be back ^^

2007-05-11T04:59:00.000-07:00
Heylo^^ to everyone who have decided to squeeze in some precious time to read my first post. Mainly, I would like to share my thoughts and interesting issues about the family and friends I have around me and abt my daily reflections and daily life. Thanks!